


Ready to try - Prukevents Secret Santa for Cielo

by SpiritScribe



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Also might put in a fluffy nsfw chapter on at the end, Asexual Character, Asexual Gilbert, Human AU, Kissing, M/M, Mature because touching on mature topics, Trans Arthur, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 08:51:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13163487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritScribe/pseuds/SpiritScribe
Summary: Gilbert and Arthur were aware each of them had feelings for the other back in college but for personal reasons they never did anything about those feelings. Years later they meet unexpectedly and finally feel ready to try.Prompts:1. We haven’t seen each other since college and this is really awkward cause we both knew of our obvious sexual/romantic attraction to one other and never did anything about it, but hey let’s go out for a coffee and catch up!2. Sneaking off from a group of people/friends to make out3. Having/sharing a drink togetherHope I've covered them all okay. This became mostly about their thoughts and feelings rather than in the moment stuff but if Cielo wants I'm gonna add a bonus chapter that can be NSFW if they want.





	Ready to try - Prukevents Secret Santa for Cielo

**Author's Note:**

> I am aware not all Asexual or Transexuals experience things the way Gilbert and Arthur do in this story. I hope that I done alright with this short story none the less.
> 
> Also I really hope you like it Cielo please let me know one way or another if you want the Bonus chapter and if you want it NSFW.

It was the usual work’s party Christmas edition that Gilbert both got excited for and dreaded at the same time. It was turning out to be a repeat of last year and the year before that. Also he felt that if he actually managed to ask one of his more sober colleagues – were any of them sober any more accept for the ever responsible but totally unapproachable Jane – he’d probably find out that the year before the year before last was also exactly the same.  
  
The company had booked the usual function venue. Also as usual they had cheaped-out and instead of booking one of the private rooms, they were crowded into a section of room hosting several different groups. It was loud and cramped but the food was alright and everyone at least seemed merry enough. Some in more ways than others due to the how much they were drinking; that was one thing the company didn’t skimp on. All the groups in the room just made the whole thing seem like an even bigger party.  
Gilbert felt himself smile as he saw one of his colleagues turn to chat a little with someone from a completely different company; who’s table happened to be close enough for such interaction. They’d spoken last year too but back then it had been by accident. This time it seemed that the two were intentionally catching up. It warmed Gilbert’s heart and he took another gulp of beer. As he lowered the glass and shifted his gaze, his eyes locked with those of a familiar person.

 

Gilbert might have not recognised him if he hadn’t seen a recent photo a friend of his younger brother had shown him. Or at least he wouldn’t have recognised him straight away from a glance but there were certain features that screamed Arthur. Such as the thick eyebrows and those brilliant green eyes. It was like other people couldn’t have such features but as he stared Gilbert felt more sure of it as he saw mutual recognition reflected in the man’s face.  
  
Sure Arthur’s hair was shorter now and he was older; he seemed in a good more mature way. From this distance he couldn’t quite make out any faint lines that could have been added to Arthur’s face. There were probably other changes he wouldn’t be able to clearly see from just Arthur’s face but he seemed well. How long had it been? Five years probably, since they had last seen each other at college.  
  
Gilbert’s heart tightened as he thought about the past. Arthur had been Alice then; though in a way he’d always been Arthur only trapped. One wouldn’t have known it because Alice had hidden all the problems behind a mask of hedonism. Gilbert had only found out when Alice failed to attend their graduation ceremony. He’d over heard several people whispering about how Alice had started asking those that Alice slept with to call them Arthur instead. Gilbert wasn’t sure what to believe knowing what rumours were like but Alice’s presence disappeared from his life.  
One day he logged on to the social media site they all used and found Alice’s had been deactivated. He didn’t have any personal contacts for Alice; they’d never gotten past being friends of friends in reality or online. There was just too much awkwardness between them but Gilbert had always regretted being so caught up in his own issues to not even try to reach out when he’d had the chance. Especially when a mutual friend mentioned in passing conversation about the changes Alice or rather Arthur was going through. Gilbert still hadn’t had the courage to beg his friend for contact details. To try to become more a part of Arthur’s life.  
  
Of course Gilbert was still only a year out of college at that point and still had some of his old hang ups about his own sexuality. After all he’d often considered himself the exact opposite of the hedonistic Alice. Gilbert hadn’t exactly tried to hide his disinterest in the more sexual side of relationships. He’d know it could be considered odd and had ended up the butt of a few jokes but usually his charisma – while not earning exactly many close friends – did mean that he was never intensely bullied. People just ended up seeing it as his quirk. He’d even thought for a while that maybe it was just he wasn’t ready yet. A late bloomer. However midway through his first year of college it dawned on him that this was just how it was for him. He decided it was best to be out with it rather than let what might or might not happen gnaw at his heart. His family would have probably been less shocked if he’d just come out as Bisexual. Gilbert being Asexual Biromantic certainly had them puzzled. Still he’d been blessed with a loving family who did their best to be supportive.  
  
Telling his friends had led to further confusion and questions but at the same time fewer jokes. He wasn’t the late bloomer or a prude any more – though some less understanding folk still called him the latter. Gilbert was re-labelled as the guy who just wasn’t really into sex. Now of course this all spread through the campus and of course to those two that he was affectionate towards. Some tried out of curiosity to see if they could handle a purely romantic relationship and others tried to see if they could flip some sort of sexual switch inside Gilbert. They all sort of ended somewhat awkwardly. One of his closest friends had repeatedly tried to set him up with other Asexuals but just because they were Asexuals didn’t mean they’d be able to develop romantic feelings for each other. So that had all gone about as badly as anything else and Gilbert had put a stern stop to it. Perhaps all his troubles keeping a relationship was another reason he’d never broached the gap with Alice. He was far too sure it would end in disappointment for both of them.  
  
Why he’d given up a possible second chance when Alice was shedding their past and moving forwards into their true existence as Arthur, was a because Gilbert hadn’t been able to shake off his college skin. One year after he’d still felt awkward about relationships and too hung up on Arthur’s past tendencies as Alice. Besides he hadn’t felt it was right to suddenly intrude into what were possibly some very stressful times for Arthur. Gilbert didn’t feel strong enough in himself to be anything but a hollow support. Still he’d told their mutual friend to wish Arthur well.  
Gilbert had then pretty much just gotten on with his life. It had taken a little while but he’d been able to get a full time job and left his part time one. He’d now been working with the company three years and was up for a promotion due to his skills. He’d also matured in ways he hadn’t thought possible back when he had first left college. He was a responsible adult. Of course he still retained the ability to have a good time. Just now his outlook on things had changed. There were still pressures but they weren’t the same ones that had held him back in the past. He was also more truly confident in himself rather than the hollow confidence he’d previously had.  
  
When he’d been shown the recent photo of Arthur earlier in the month he’d been genuinely happy for Arthur. At the same time though he’d felt a pang in his heart. Surely it was too late to do anything about old flames now. He wasn’t even sure he’d feel the same way he did before or if Arthur would. However looking at Arthur now, across the room, Gilbert felt his heart leap. It probably wasn’t exactly the same feelings he’d felt in the past as they were both no longer exactly the same people. Still it was more than a ghost of something and even if it wasn’t reciprocated or it wasn’t meant to be in some other way, Gilbert was at least going to try.

 

Arthur was glad to see Gilbert looking well. He’d always stood out with his platinum blonde hair and eyes being a mesmerising mix of red and blue. He’d always been impressed by the way Gilbert seemed to hold his head up high despite looking so different. Many people could become either overly aggressive or reclusive but Gilbert always seemed to take his appearance at least in his stride. Arthur was more aware of the fact that Gilbert had probably been struggling with things in the past – after all many people did. He’d heard enough from one of their mutual friends about the sorry state Gilbert’s heart had been left in. Of course he’d also recently heard that Gilbert was doing much better. Arthur wanted to know this new Gilbert. He’d never gotten chance to really know the old one, despite his feelings. Crossing the gap towards Gilbert had just seemed to vast. Like they were dancing to different music. However Arthur too had matured and understood that so long as you could get adjust the rhythm and tempo just right you could meet somewhere in the middle. That or come together in such a way to make a new song together. They were all spiralling through life with their ups and downs but it didn’t mean people couldn’t synchronise.  
  
Gilbert had seemed so strange to him before. Someone who wasn’t really interested in sexual interactions. Where as Arthur had enjoyed the pleasure of it. It had been an escape for him and the only time his body didn’t make him feel so dysphoric. He could get lost in the moment but in the end he came to realise that it still wasn’t enough. Sure he enjoyed the pleasure he got through his body’s former form and seeing as he’d only ever slept with men, he could always weave a fantasy where their bodies were swapped. He liked that in the best moments of passion his body became less of a body and more of just a vessel for pleasure. Arthur was in love with pleasure after all. He didn’t feel he needed anything serious. Besides other than his strong feelings about his sexual hungers he had little love for his body, so he couldn’t really understand why anyone would want anything but the physical with it. Even though he was sure there were people who were willing to love him outside of sexual means – after all he’d been fully aware of Gilbert and his preference against the sexual – he wasn’t sure enough in his own identity to try. After all he didn’t feel like he was meant to be Alice.  
He’d tried towards the end of college to come to grips with it. He’d never really said he was trans to anyone but he did start asking his lovers to call him Arthur. Arthur felt like a more fitting name. He knew he must have confused them but he was just so desperate to understand himself. He thought if he tried it and didn’t like it that maybe he was mistaken. However what he’d been mistaken in was that he’d never become dysphoric in sexual situations. He had, and no amount of pleasure could change it. His brain started desperately screaming at him about how wrong it was. That it was like he was using someone else’s body without permission. Like there had been some swap and now he was taking advantage of what wasn’t his. He started feeling guilty about enough the pleasure he still could in his previous form. Not only that but his body started to disgust him more and he felt even worse about that. He’d been born into it but he couldn’t love himself because it just all felt so wrong.  
  
He’d started spiralling, between being desperate for the freedom of pleasure and yet panicking at the thought of people touching his incorrect form. As luck would have it college came to an end and Arthur’s damns broke when he got back to his family’s home with all of his stuff. It had taken them a while to get the exact problem out of him but thankful they didn’t push him away. They were just upset that they hadn’t been able to see the signs sooner; to reach out and help sooner. After all they loved Arthur no matter what. Arthur always felt fortunate for that. He’d heard all sorts of stories. His family help him go through the laborious process of determining what was the best course of action for him to take. He decided he did want to transition his body and while he still required some counselling for the emotional turmoil going on inside him, he was able to go ahead with the transition.  
  
Due to everything he had never gone to his graduation; though he had graduated. It was only a ceremony after all and there was a bigger one in his mind awaiting for him. The college discreetly and politely agreed to change the name on the graduation certificate. Through all of it he also lost touch with most of the people from college. There were a few close friends that remained but effectively Arthur closed the book on the time he was Alice. Not on everything of course, after all he’d always been Arthur at the core and all that shaped him would be carried forwards but he wasn’t going to dwell on the past. He had regrets but who didn’t. Of course one of his biggest was never reaching out to Gilbert. He’d received his well wishes through their mutual friend and was relieved that they probably meant Gilbert was at least accepting of the change. Though he could honestly say he was a little disappointed that Gilbert didn’t contact him directly at all. Then again with all that had been going on at the time perhaps it was for the best.  
Now though he was more confident in his true identity and prepared to make the first move if Gilbert didn’t. Third time perhaps really was a charm.

 

Looking back they’d had mutual feelings for each other that was for sure. They’d both been fully aware without anything said or any actions taken. However back then their affections seemed so different. Gilbert had felt no matter how much he was romantically in love that he wouldn’t be able to satisfy Arthur sexually. On the flip side Arthur had felt he wouldn’t be able to cope in a purely romantic relationship. Things were different now and they were both ready to try. Gilbert now felt that if it was the right person he’d be able to give them physical pleasure; because even if he didn’t really enjoy sex himself seeing the other person’s enjoyment would be enough. Arthur’s feelings about relationships had changed too. He now felt that so long as it was the right person – and he wasn’t dissuaded from giving himself self-pleasure – he’d be able to enjoy a romantic relationship with out pressure for the physical. In essence they were finally ready to face each other’s love.  
They both were fully aware that they were staring at each other. Arthur raised his hand a made a small gesture towards the door and then held up three fingers. Gilbert smiled and flashed a thumbs up. It seemed the quick interaction went unnoticed by the others. They made excuses to their respective colleagues and escaped to the old fashioned building’s foyer – Gilbert doing so three minutes after Arthur left. Arthur had been a little worry that Gilbert wasn’t really going to follow his direction or perhaps hadn’t understood but then a Gilbert was there and wrapping his arms around him. Gilbert almost knocked Arthur over with his sudden embrace and kiss. However they managed to keep their balance as Gilbert stole the air out of Arthur with such warm, soft lips. Arthur kissed back because it was natural for him to do so. He gripped hold of Gilbert in return and let himself be swept away by the moment.  
  
The kiss became making out quite quickly but when they heard voices nearing the foyer they pulled apart. A small group of guests passed by them wishing merry Christmas and looking very jolly. Gilbert and Arthur wished merry Christmas back and hoped their faces didn’t look too flushed. Once they were gone Arthur turned back to face Gilbert.  
  
“So I guess that means you are okay with kissing… though it did rather take me by surprise being jumped like that.” Arthur crossed his arms across his chest and gave Gilbert a slightly stern look. It wasn’t that he hadn’t wanted the kiss, just he’d thought they’d do some catching up first before anything like that happened.  
  
Gilbert flushed harder; the colour standing out against his skin. “Um yeah kissing is fine and well…” He pointed up at the ceiling, “Missletoe… I thought you were stood under it intentionally. Sorry.”  
  
It was Arthur’s turn to turn a darker shade, as he looked up at the true culprit, “Ah no... I’m sorry… I didn’t mean...”  
  
They both burst out laughing saving them from any more awkwardness – for now anyway. Once the laughter subsided Gilbert gestured to the door, “Come on let’s go get a drink somewhere else and catch up.”  
  
Arthur nodded and smiled, “You better know a good place round here. I have only just started living in the area recently.”  
  
Gilbert gave Arthur double thumbs up, as they headed for the door together, “I can show you all the best places. Been living this end of the city for work for about two years. It was just an easier commute and it is nice to be more independent. My bro turns up a lot though. Says he is just coming round to make sure I am eating right but I think he just gets lonely without me around to bother him.”

 

They both shivered a little as they stepped out into the cold. Gilbert fished out his gloves but Arthur hadn’t brought his own – he’d expected to go by taxi not walk about. Gilbert handed Arthur one of his gloves.  
“Ugh thanks but what about out other hands?” Arthur asked before realising the glove was for his left hand and Gilbert was stood on his right. He vaguely remembered a scene from a romantic show of some kind and snorted. He pulled on the glove and held out his uncovered hand for Gilbert to take, “You have your charm on high.”  
“Of course, I’m charming all the time.” Gilbert winked back.  
  
Gilbert took Arthur’s hand and put them both into the lower pocket of his jacket. They’d have to walk close but that suited them both just fine. Arthur was a little embarrassed by the romantic gesture but he didn’t feel uncomfortable like he would have in the past. As Alice he’d always gotten a bit aggressive to put off people trying to do romantic things for him. He’d accept sexual pleasures not flowers. He felt bad about it now because he was sure those who had tried hadn’t meant to make him feel uncomfortable. At least he was okay with it now because it was nice to be holding Gilbert’s. He gave it a playful squeeze and felt Gilbert’s pulse speed up. It was cute how confident Gilbert managed to act even though his heart was clearly going like a jack-hammer.  
They walked along together like that in silence as they both wonder about all the questions the most wanted to ask the other. They finally had a chance to broach a gap that seemed uncrossible before. Their breath showed up in the chilly air but they didn’t feel as cold walking the way they were. The Christmas lights and the snow added a glittering, magical tone to the world. It felt like all sorts of miracles could happen.  
  
Soon enough they were at the place Gilbert had decided was their best bet. It was a little cafe/bar that severed coffee as well as alcoholic drinks. It had a quiet atmosphere and even boasted that tonight they had special home made Christmas cookies, the owner had made. There was something familiar about the place in Arthur’s opinion.  
  
Gilbert looked around, “Guess he’s off today. Probably for the best. He’d have bother us if he’d been here.”  
  
“Who?” Arthur asked as they sat themselves at a little table in a corner of the building. Then he realised a lot of menu was in French, “Francis?! Oh I do recall getting an invitation to an opening but I couldn’t go. I always meant to chase him up about the location once things calmed down but I never got round to it.”  
  
Gilbert nodded, “Yeah, I came to the opening and got dragged into the atmosphere of the place. I’m sure he understands. Last time I saw him he was saying how you were both so busy he felt like he hadn’t seen you for ages.”  
  
Arthur nodded, “Yes almost a full year. But I should be able to see him more now things have settled down. It was a bit awkward settling in at the job.”  
  
They were both scanning the drinks list as they spoke but looked up at the same time. Arthur looked away first; he felt that if he’d kept staring into Gilbert’s eyes he was going to get hypnotised or leap across the table to kiss him again.  
Gilbert got up, “I’ll get the first round.”  
  
Arthur couldn’t really do anything but agree seeing as Gilbert was already on his feet, “Ah sure I’ll have the Cosmo with the Christmas twist.”  
  
Gilbert beamed at him and sauntered over to the bar. Arthur was a little ashamed to admit he’d watched Gilbert’s ass as he walked away. Gilbert still looked like he had a killer body. Not as built as the younger brother; more of a dancer’s body. Having seen Gilbert dance, Arthur was sure that if had chosen that path instead he’d be excellent at it. Actually Gilbert was rather excellent at most things. He supposed he’d finally get to ask all the questions about his choices and probably have to answer just as many himself.  
  
As he was waiting for the drinks, Gilbert was thinking about how handsome Arthur looked. It was cute how he looked away in embarrassment. They weren’t exactly old but being around Arthur made him feel younger; in a good way. It was the first time in a while that Gilbert had felt so strongly towards someone. He knew some of it was because of his unresolved feelings from before; while they had never been anything but friends of friends Gilbert had still seen enough of Arthur to to fall for him romantically. Arthur had also been on the student council and Gilbert always found his well formed speeches enthralling – though he had often pretended not to be care. He had also adored Arthur’s hard working nature; ‘work hard, play hard’ definitely summed up Arthur back when he’d been Alice. Gilbert was fairly certain that core part of Arthur hadn’t changed and Gilbert – while he’d not been opposed to Arthur’s previous form – was more interested in Arthur’s mind, heart and soul. The outer casing had never mattered much to Gilbert but he could also honestly say that Arthur seemed more attractive now. Probably because Arthur had always needed to outwardly become what he was on the inside. Now that those two were synced, Arthur’s true glow could be seen and Gilbert was even more desperate to fully know the mind, heart and soul inside. He felt excited just thinking about being close with Arthur.

Gilbert returned to the table and Arthur thanked him for the drinks. Then after a little quite drinking they finally began their long catch up. Every so often their legs would bump together under the table but they didn’t mind and in the end they ended up resting their legs against each other’s. They talked about what they’d done after graduating. Gilbert fumbling about a bit as he tried to make clear he didn’t want to pressure Arthur into talking about his ‘changes’ and was sorry if he said anything to make Arthur uncomfortable. Arthur laughed and patted Gilbert on the hand, telling him that he could sum it up as a struggle but that it was all worth it. That was all that needed to be said about that. Of course Arthur confessed a bit more about the emotion side of things back in college after a few drinks, saying how he had made a right fool of himself trying to cling onto the wrong things. Gilbert had shook his head and lent towards Arthur and raised his chin. He looked into Arthur’s eyes and reassure him that they everyone had been foolish in some ways back in college but they’d made it. They’d realised where they were going wrong and were now on a better path because of it. Arthur had smiled and Gilbert had stroked his cheek for a few moments. Arthur liked that Gilbert was willing to give him little tokens of affection like this. Gilbert was also happy to do this; it let him see more of Arthur’s glow.  
  
Gilbert confessed about his relationship troubles and how he was done worrying about it. Of course he insisted that it definitely wasn’t closed off and Arthur had raised his eyebrows because that was clear with the way Gilbert was acting with him. Their conversation for the most part – between them ordering more drinks – was about getting work and general things they had been up to. Holidays and silly events with friends. They moved from alcohol to coffee and tea and some point to stay aware but they continued to chatter late into the night. It was a good thing that Francis’ place stayed open late. Finally the conversation started winding down as they discussed more recent events.  
  
“Oh that reminds me. I probably would have recognised those eyebrows anywhere but I had a little help recognising you thanks to Ludwig’s friend Feliciano. He said he’d seen you recently. Antonio had dragged you along to some sort of movie screening...” Gilbert confessed.  
  
Arthur groaned, “Only because you’d gone and got yourself sent away on a business trip. The movie was fine but Feliciano made so much noise I thought we were going to get kicked out. Still it did make for an amusing movie experience. Especially when his brother tried to smother him with his scarf. Probably for the best Ludwig didn’t go either. He’d have been mortified. I remember Feliciano practically sticking the camera in my face right before we all went our separate ways for the night. I let him take a better photo. I guess he wanted to show you and Ludwig how I look now.”  
  
Gilbert nodded, “I am sure Francis would have at some point if but I think he was a bit worried about talking too much about you seeing as I didn’t ask for your details before. Every so often he looks at his phone then at me, when we are hanging out. He gets this really strange expression. I should apologise to him. Thankful Feliciano doesn’t worry about those sorts of things. So pure he needs to be wrapped in bubble wrap. Think he’s going to give my brother a heart attack with all the worrying.”  
  
Arthur snorted, “He should just confess already and become a full time anchor for that ball of energy.” He shook his head, “Listen to me saying something like that when we never faced each other’s feelings head on.”  
  
Gilbert entwined his fingers with Arthur’s, “We’re doing that now aren’t we? It has been a long time coming and I can’t promise anything. We aren’t the same as we were then and our feelings have probably changed in some ways too. However we both weren’t ready then but maybe we are now. I know this might not go anywhere and I might not be able to give you what you need but I’m willing to try. Are you?”  
  
Arthur felt his heart beat speed up and could feel Gilbert’s equally racing pulse. He smiled and nodded, “Yes, yes of course. I want to try. I understand too that this is a leap but all relationships can begin, change and end as suddenly as they can begin. Rush or go slow there is never a guarantee. But right now our obits are aligned so I want I try travelling forwards together.”  
  
Gilbert beamed, “You know that bit about obits is pretty romantic. I’m totally caught in your gravity.” He lent in towards Arthur and Arthur lent forwards to meet him.  
  
They shared a sweet kiss in the dim light and delighted in how kisses were magical as they could mean all sorts of things from a greeting to all sorts of different affection. It all depended on who you were sharing it with. Finally they were bridging the gap. Sure things might not work out but they were both hopeful. They had finally been pulled together by the red string of fate.

 

As they pulled apart from the kiss they decided that it was probably time they both headed home for now. It was late and while they didn’t have work in the morning – work party recovery day at least for their respective jobs – they decided it was best to sleep on things and decide what to do next in the morning. They both lived in the same direction and the walk wouldn’t be far so they decided to walk once more together out into the winter night. This time while they walked in the same manner as before it felt as if they were inching closer. Their hearts aglow with excitement of just being with each other. They’d remember this cold winter night, escaping their Christmas work parties to hook up, and how magical everything felt walking together. Arthur would remember how the snow seemed to blend with Gilbert’s skin and hair making him look like some sort of snow magical being and Gilbert would remember how the Christmas lights made Arthur’s green eyes glitter like jewels. Arthur of course was a little obsessed with fairy tales and Gilbert felt the eyes were windows to the soul. They’d probably talk about it together later but right now they simply enjoyed the comfortable silence as they walked.  
  
They’d definitely remember this night for the rest of their lives no matter what direction they went in. After all this was the night they finally openly confirmed that they’d had feelings for each other and still did. It had been a long time coming but finally they were heading towards a resolution of one sort or another. It was exciting and scary. However hopefully they would get through it alright and certainly walking holding hands in Gilbert’s pocket, while snow fell and lights twinkled, made for a good memory. They both hoped to have many more because while their loves may have looked different they still loved each other and hopefully that would be all that mattered.


End file.
